Goodbye Forever, Blue Beast

Well, I have both been looking forward to it, and dreading it. No longer pumping, that is.
I am now pumping about once every 24 hours, slowly stopping the milk production process. A part of me is incredibly sad, for many reasons. It is an end to my body providing for my tiny one.

It is also an end to my youth, in a way. I will never be pregnant again, I will never nurse again. My childbearing years are ov-ah. Go to menopause, go directly to menopause, do not pass go, do not collect $200. And boy, am I afraid of Flapjack Boobs. Victoria's Secret had better come through to lift these puppies, because already, I am seeing changes in them that scare me. My OB was right. The boobs go after the *second* child.

I still have a freezer full of milk, and Stefan has been eating through that. He got way, way more breast milk than Boomer ever did. Ironic, since when I was pregnant, I toyed with the idea of just doing formula for Stefan. Then I saw his teeny, scrawny body (I can't eat a lot when pregnant, so I gave birth to two very skinny kids) and was determined to move heaven and earth to feed him.

Here he is, about 5 days old. That is his knee next to my husband's hand. I put the TV remote next to him so I could always remember he was little bigger than that.









Here is Stefan, today, at almost one year. Still slender, but definitely has meat on those bones!


Pumping has been tedious, inconvenient, painful, and confining. For almost a whole year, my life was scheduled around my Medela Classic pump, fondly nicknamed The Blue Beast. I even took that thing to The Bahamas, believe it or not. If that isn't dedication, it is insanity, at the very least.

It is now time to stop. I am doing it very slowly, both for Stefan (he is still getting about 3 ounces of fresh milk every day) and for myself. I don't want to get blocked ducts, mastitis, and I am reluctant to let go of my freebie.

The 200 to 500 calorie freebie, a wonderful, wonderful thing that goes with nursing. The last time I stopped nursing, my body pretty much puffed out like the Goodyear blimp. The combo of hormonal changes and my cravings for sweets had, um, big consequences. That is *not* going to happen this time.

I am eating a lot of fruit and yogurt these days. I am noticing that there is this pad of fat on my belly that refuses to budge. I don't even want to think about the fact that you can't spot reduce, except through liposuction. The rest of me looks OK. Except for that belly. Ugh.

Good bye, Blue Beast.

Good bye, 200 to 500 calorie freebie.

I'm on my own now.

That kinda sucks. Pun intended.