Exhausted.

I ran full steam on 5 hours of sleep, and I am just too old to do that anymore.

Took both boys to Dr. Z. today. Boom and Stefan, he says, need to be adjusted 3 times a week to begin with. I have so many thoughts on this, just too tired to type them out right now.

I don't know if it was the exhaustion, the ear infections, all the school the boys are missing, or the thought that I should take these kids to be adjusted three times a week (*I* just got rid of the crazy three times a week regimen!) that made me sad, sad, sad today. I caught myself just looking at the sky and zoning out. If I hadn't convinced myself, some time ago, not to focus on the lows, and never again to be dragged into the pit of depression, this would have been a real get under the covers and don't talk to anyone kind of a day.

So, I kissed my kids a lot. Hugged them, smelled them, held their tiny hands, felt the tiny bones of their little wrists. And looked at them. My treasures. What am I going to do when they're grown, and they no longer need me?

Later, I dragged myself into the sunshine, purchased ingredients, and cooked. Dinner was 2 kinds of chicken -- herb butter and spicy Jamaican jerk, with extra spices, this corn pudding, grilled veggies, and leftover cheese flan and birthday cake. When my husband came home very late after his gruelling day today, I was able to produce a really nice plate to put in front of him.
This made my soul very happy. There is something very primal in the nurturing of your family. Feeding. It is so basic. And an instant ego booster, if there ever was one.

So, it all ended OK. I'm off to grab some really good sleep so I can be smiling self again tomorrow.

And tomorrow-- well, tomorrow I'm making chef Ramsay's lime panna cotta.