Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Progressing at a Snail's Pace

Days like today make me realize how very easy it is to just give up.

I barely managed to slog through Gilad's Abdominal Workout. Felt slow and tired all day long, latent headache, and I even fell asleep during Dora, of all things. I mean, you know it's bad when you can fall asleep through her annoying, "Say it again! LOUDERRRR!"

Progress comes so slowly. We put on weight over months, even years, and then expect it to come off as soon as we do one workout. Reminds me of that commercial, where a guy weighs himself, runs around the gym once, then gets back on the scale, with a very eager and hopeful expression on his face.

The "diet" industry rakes in millions, selling one magic method after another, hope in a box, bottle, or book. There always seems to be a diet du jour, or a food villain du jour, only for things to do a 180 months or years later. Fat is evil. No, carbs are evil. White foods are evil. No, red meat is evil! Don't eat potatoes. No, actually, potatoes are good for you. Butter is bad for you! Wait, margarine is worse -- it has trans fat!

Bah. What I read somewhere, (finally something that makes sense!) is to eat a portion the size of your fist, because that is the size of your stomach.

And speaking of food, I have noticed something I had no idea I do: every time things get a little stressful, I go and open the cupboard, where the cookies and chocolate reside, bright, shiny, gorgeous packaging beckoning, seeming to say, "Eat meeee! Eat meeeee!" If Stefan cries, or Boomer refuses to let me dress him, laughing and gleefully running around me in circles as I stand there like a moron, underpants, 2T shirt and pants in hand, there I go, on autopilot, to The Cabinet. The chocolates and cookies do add up. I really need to watch that. Have a glass of water instead.

The problem is, eating calms me. Especially eating treats. Even now, as I type, I'm getting warm, fuzzy vibes thinking of coffee ice cream, with almonds and fudge and whipped cream.
I have all of the above downstairs in the kitchen.
Good thing I'm too wiped out to go get it.

I'll have that sundae tomorrow, but only after I rip it up in the basement.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Workoutus Interruptus

In the middle of Gilad's Abdominal Workout,


Boomer said, "Mama, poopoo!"
So, upstairs to the potty we went.
No poop. He hasn't pooped at all today, pretty unusual for him. And he has been cranky, and very clingy. I don't know what's up with that.

I lost my momentum, so I'll just go take a shower and maybe do something later. The remnants of hurricaine Katrina are on their way, so the weather is blah, and I kinda feel blah today, too.

Oh, and I just read the following:


After gaining 60 lbs. while pregnant with 19-month-old son Ryder, Kate Hudson (in New York City on Aug. 9) lost the weight “pretty fast" by relying on a 1,500-calorie-a-day diet that was high in protein and low in carbs and doing three-hour daily workouts.

Whoa, wait a minute, rewind, what was that?


"...and doing three-hour daily workouts.."





All righty, then. No wonder celebs bounce back so quickly, they spend 3 hours a day exercising. And then the rest of us beat ourselves up for being fat 'n' frumpy after we've had a baby.
Ha.





Monday, August 29, 2005

Happy One Month to Me!

I just realized I've been at this for a whole month! I can't believe it!

This morning I put on my "fat pants," just in case. I'm irrationally afraid they might fit again, all of a sudden!

I am always amazed at how weight can creep up, without being detected, until it reaches a point where it's a lot, and so darned hard to lose. I am one of those people who refuses to see the changes in the mirror, bad or good. I will buy jeans in a size larger, telling myself that the gain is temporary and that I don't really look bad. I don't look fat, nope, not I, haven't changed since my wedding day, when I was a size 2.

Yeah, right, Rose, and the $5.99 Zayre dress you wore that day could probably fit you on one arm, right now. Well, not right now, but it certainly could have, a year ago.

I lost a lot of weight with both pregnancies, first because I was too nauseated to eat, then because I had such heartburn that I couldn't eat much, and then, because I had a stomach the size of a walnut, when the boys' butts got high enough to push on it.

But with Boomer, I hit the sugar hard after I stopped nursing (lost the sweet tooth with both pregnancies, but it came back, the evil, evil thing.) Caramels, chocolate, you name it, I ate it. Gallons of Starbucks ice cream, the kind with the caramel swirl in it. Cadbury caramel eggs, the kind where you bite into a smooth, gooey center. MMmm...see a pattern, here? I am a caramel freak!

When Boomer turned a year old, I put on my stretchy pants, high heels (the shoes felt tight, I blamed it on after-pregnancy bloating) and a new velvet top, in extra large. Told myself it was extra large because of my voluptuous nursing boobage.

And then I saw the pics.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. WHO was that fat lady in the pics with my beautiful, slim boy? Oh, my gawd, it could not be me! But I look good -- must be the camera angle. Yep, that's it, the camera.

For New Year's, we went to Florida, and again, I had to buy things in XL, including pants. I guess the butt goes with the boobage when nursing, yes? Of course it does! Uh-huh. My SIL took pictures of us, and in one, there I was, in front of a lovely Christmas village display made entirely of chocolate (gee, how appropriate) stretching upward to give Boomer a kiss while my husband held him.

The flat 'n' wide butt! The double chin! The biggie arms that looked like my mother's! Yowza, who was that? I'd ruined a perfectly good picture!

I vowed that when I was done TTC, having another baby, and all recovered from that, I would do something so that I wouldn't ruin my sons' pictures of their mother. I want them to look and say, "My mama was beautiful." 'Cause they can't say I was young :D

Anyway ... today Boomer sent me to the basement again, LOL. "Go ah-size, Mama!"

He went with me, keeping me company while I worked hard, even laying his little head on my leg while I did back exercises. Having him there is oh, so much better than the pre-child days, when I would do this alone. He makes me see why I am doing this, and also, keeps me smiling and motivated, not to mention makes me feel good that he is seeing me do ab work instead of sitting on the couch, which I love to do.
I did 35 minutes of cardio and some back stretches. My lower back is still aching. I wish the nagging pain would go away already. But I feel good. Maybe I'll do "TV abs" this evening.

For my one month anniversary of working out again, I scheduled a pedicure. I have been doing my own, so this should be a nice treat. Hey, maybe I'll post pics of the toes, which I intend to have him (yes, it's a him, he is a Vietnamese man who does the loveliest pedicures I've ever had) paint bright red, for fall. And maybe a pic of my waist, as seen in the fat pants.

I will never burn my fat pants. I'll frame the suckers.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Confession: I hoard fitness equipment

I ate and ate and ate today.

I know my appetite is high because of nursing (I am still pumping 5 or 6 times a day) and that small meals, very often, are the way to go, but it is so hard to change my view on eating. Usually when I am actively working out, I become much more conscious of what I take in, but the tendency is to starve myself, which always backfires. I have to learn, once and for all, that it's OK to eat, and that I can eat everything, just less.

This evening, during 60 Minutes, I did abs on my exercise ball, with my boys crawling on and around me. At one point I was trying to exercise with one in each arm :)
I actually managed to get a nice burn going.

My poor, twice C-sectioned abs.

The day after Boomer was born, the intern told me, "You have very well developed abs." It was kind of weird, knowing someone had actually seen my muscles!
I had worked out until month 6 of my pregnancy, even doing modified ab work, but after that I got lazy.

With Stefan, I did zero. For the longest time, I have not done more than lift my boys. Not good, for someone who used to treat herself not with shoes or clothes, but with fitness equipment. Dumbbells, barbells, ankle weights, gloves, several types of exercise balls, several types of steps, stretch bands, hand weights, tapes, I have them all, and they have been gathering dust for way too long.

As an incentive, last week I bought myself the coolest Everlast mat. Boom loves it, too. Very nice for stretching, back exercises, you name it. Also nice for proving to myself that I can still do a full split.

OK-- off to surf for little dumbbells for Boomer :)

Went public for an hour or so...

...and then my husband said he thought I should keep it private, for safety reasons.

That is why the URL has changed, and that is why some of you got e-mail with the new address.

Today I did 45 minutes of cardio, and a few situps. In quite a bit of pain, so I am going to take some Advil.

Have to go soothe a fussing 9-month-old. :)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Rippin' it Up

Really ripped it up today. I worked out for an hour, very hard.

My husband put on his exercise clothes at 9AM, so I had my coffee, made the juice, and got in gear, too. I went in after he was done and drove myself hard for a whole hour. I would have stopped earlier, because, to be honest, I missed my guys, who were all upstairs. But 45 minutes into it, I was on the mat doing back exercises, when I saw shadows moving underneath the door. They were too small to be my husband's. In came my Boomer, dressed in jeans and a royal blue shirt, decorated with a knight in armor, on a silver horse.

"Mamm-aaaa!"
My tiny knight-in-training. I really can't describe, in words, how much I love him.

He started running back and forth on the exercise mat, laughing, and I ran, too. More cardio!
I ended the workout with 10 pushups, all my exhausted arm muscles could do.

It was a wonderful Saturday, despite the rain and clouds. I managed to whip up my cheesecake and get it into the fridge, for the dessert at dinner. We went to an expo, which wasn't too good, but we were together. Then, while my husband went and picked up some Lebanese food (gotta love tabuleh!) I took Boom to a toy store, where we picked up three little metal wind-up helicopters, which he insisted that he carry in his arms for the rest of our time out of the house.

We stopped by the airport and watched planes. Between takeoffs and landings, Boomer ran in circles, with me running after him, and it was so darned good to be able to run after my toddler and not get winded!

When it started raining again, we went home and had a nice dinner. Stefan ate his first Falafel and loved it! The cheesecake was a hit -- Stefan opened his baby bird mouth extra wide, for that.

Tomorrow I am thinking of making chocolate cake.

When you work out, the perk is that you get to eat some treats with zero guilt.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Just did 20 pushups. Real, full boat push-ups. I decided to see how many I could do all at once, and it was 20. Not bad.

Friday-- fruit 'n' steak

Two hours until bedtime, and I haven't done a thing as far as exercise goes.
It was one of those cloudy days, when all you feel like doing is to stay in your jammies and kinda let the day float by.

So, that is what I did. It has been a quiet day-- OK, as quiet as it can be with one boy running at full speed, pushing his Radio Flyer on the hardwood floors, the other crawling, also at full speed, repeatedly getting stuck in places, and yelling in distress.

Stefan is now in his exersaucer ('cause he just ate,) ticked as hell. He no longer wants to be in that confining contraption; there are places to go and things to see. Beside him, Boomer is playing on the coffee table with his three new cars, a New York City police car, taxi and fire engine, which he picked out yesterday at a wonderfully cheesy souvenir store. My husband is perusing catalogs (please, my love, no more shoes!) as he watches the news, and I am doing this newfound thing, which I find relaxing, unlike writing a novel, which, to me, was extremely stressful. I questioned every word I put on the page, and sometimes it would take me hours to write a paragraph.

I am thinking of using this blog as practice for easing into writing again. I hope the process will be easier the second time around, because nothing would fulfill me more than being able to publish another book, then another. For now, I am revving the engines, getting ready, collecting ideas. No hurry. I am busy enjoying my boys and their smallness, trying to savor and document everything while I still can.

Back to today. Made the usual fruit smoothie at breakfast time, with mango, peach, blueberry, banana, carrot, and wheat germ, all pulled together by Tropicana Kids orange juice. I was very pleased that Boom was able to drink his, since his tummy problem is all gone.

I am addicted to this fruit cocktail. I can't start my day without it, and after I drink it I can practically feel it going straight to my cells. It also helps put my mind at ease, knowing that my toddler is getting everything he should, from the get-go, power fruit down the little hatch, and then we're good for the rest of the day.

This morning, I made some for Stefan, too, only with banana and blueberry and carrot. No citrus until he turns one, at least. He, too, loved his fruit smoothie.

My husband, wonderful as always, went out and grilled tonight, so I got that steak for dinner that I had been craving. We had some special ones in the freezer, which we had been saving for just the right time.

These were exquisite. Craving sated.

I still have time to do some form of exercise, before the day is done. It won't be easy, with a belly full of meat, but I can do it. Whatever I do, it will be better than doing nothing.
But, right now, I have to put me on hold, again. I need to get Stefan a bottle. He is telling me he's thirsty, in his urgent, adorable, Neanderthal "unhh, unnh" way.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

If I Can Make it there, I'll Make it Anywhere

Our 22nd wedding anniversary.
Went to New Your city and took Boomer with us. Details when I have the time to edit.
I took exercise stretch bands with me and worked my arms in the car until I felt the burn, then did legs. Note to self: when using exercise bands in semi-public to do thigh exercises, always make sure to wear light-colored pants. The talc on those things does not work well with black.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Flat Butt, Flat Butt, Go Away

Kicked some serious ass-my own!
I have *got* to get some emoticons on here, I am so used to having them. Then again, I am supposed to be a writer, I am not supposed to need props to convey my meaning. Your words are your tools, Rose. Use your words.
Anyway... so, I didn't feel like working out today. I never do. OK, never is not a good word--you shouldn't say "always" or "never," because no one "always" or "nevers." It's good to keep that in mind if you ever argue with your spouse.
Let's say I rarely feel like working out. I am the excuse diva-- I can always find an excuse, and a damn good one, at that. I'd much rather have some Toblerone and a cup of espresso, together, thanks, and some Ben and Jerry's, pass the whipped cream and the remote, please.
But I am doing this not only for myself; I am also doing it for my sons. If I am going to be able to give everything I should, then I'd better be in shape.

Even more important, they are what they see their parents do. So if they see me stuffing junk food and sitting for hours staring at a TV screen, guess what? They will do the exact same thing, and I want them to be healthy and fit. I want those little bodies to stay as healthy and strong as I so lovingly and carefully tried to make them, when I was pregnant with these two precious souls.

So, I got my flat butt (yes, I used to have a lovely butt, now it is flat) into the basement and kicked it, hard. As usual, after the first 5 minutes of my body screaming, "STOP, THIS SUCKS, I DON' WANNA DO THIS, THIS HURTS!" I got into it and it became almost enjoyable. Almost. I think the thought, the idea of working out is more satisfying than the physical reality of it.

It was so sweet to have Boomer watching me lift weights and ask, "Aw-right, mama?"
I guess I was grimacing.
I put a smile on my face and focused on his little head, bent over the little yellow ATV he was scooting back and forth on the floor, with those hands which are mini replicas of my husband's.
"Yes, love, I am all right. Mama is ah-sizing."
I am a mama. I can do anything.
And I did 10 more excruciating reps with my barbell.

Just Say "No" to Morning Ah-size


I have decided not to exercise in the morning anymore.
I am a night person functioning as a morning person, and that is taxing enough. My natural body clock wants to rev up at 10PM and wind down at 2AM, and wake up at 10.
Right now, I'm going to bed at 10PM and waking up at 6, which I will do, willingly, because I have children.
But I noticed that when I work out at 10 or 11 AM, I end up sore and crabby for the rest of the day.
BK (Before kids) I used to work out at 4PM. We veg out in the evenings anyway, so that was a good time for me. I'll go back to that. Maybe I'll even sleep better.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Tried something new!

Windsor Pilates!

Fun with Ah-Size

Last night's Windsor Pilates workout was interesting, to say the least.
I was solo parenting for the evening, and Stefan started getting restless and fussy as usual, but Boom came up with a great idea when he told me, "Go ah-size, mama!"
My not-yet-3-year-old is telling me to exercise! I have my own personal trainer, right in my very own house!
So I put in my new Windsor Pilates DVD, and boogied away with Stefan watching openmouthed in the stroller, and Boomer on the floor beside me doing leg lifts. What a riot! It took some improvisation, because during some segments I had to run while pushing the stroller one-handed 'round and 'round the area rug, while Boom laughed and ran after me, in circles, until all of us were dizzy and giggling.
It was fun. I don't remember the last time I had fun while ah-sizing!
It was very stressful taking a shower afterward, though. If you can call it a shower. I ran upstairs, leaving Stefan still in his stroller, and took a 60-second freezing-cold scrub. 15 seconds into it, Boomer came up and yanked open the glass door, screaming. "MAMAAAAA! NO SHOWER ! OUT!"

In typical toddler insane fashion, he had decided he did not want me to take a shower. All-righty, then! At least I got the sweat off!
Felt very good for the rest of the evening, which I spent intensely entertaining the kids, trying my hardest to keep them both happy, without my husband to help. Raspberries on the tummies, legs and feet. Funny faces. Playing trains. Coloring. Whew!
I never got, before kids, how playing with your children can be exhausting. Now I know it's because you have to be "on" all the time, even when you don't feel like it, even when you're tired, or just plain feeling lazy and wanting peace and quiet.
But even while I put my wants and needs aside to tend to theirs, I am so insanely happy and feel as if I'm living a wonderful dream. A dream where I am the mother of two boys who look at me as if I put the sun up in the sky for them. And, at least for now, in their adoring eyes, I do.
I do.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Still No Weights

25 minutes of intense cardio. I really need to do weights on Monday, though.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Avoiding the Weights, for Some Reason...

20 minutes of cardio, higher intensity

Friday, August 19, 2005

Back in Black

Nothing yesterday.

Today, 25 minutes of cardio. Maybe weights later.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Nada

Too wiped out. I guess it's a rest day, finally.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Baby Bop 'n' Legs

35 minutes of cardio, 10 of them holding the baby.

Thinking of doing weights this afternoon, when my husband gets home.

9PM: didn't do weights (fussy baby) but I did manage to get in some pretty evil leg exercises.


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Quickie Because of the Dentist

Only 15 minutes of cardio today, but at least I did something.

Had 4 fillings replaced, and a tiny new one put in, the dentist is in the next state so I missed my workout time. Could only make do with what I could get before the nanny had to go.

Guess I'll do extra tomorrow.

Monday, August 15, 2005

That's Why I Avoided this-- the Pain!

Everything hurts. Ouch. Ouch.
I need some Advil.

The Sweetest ""Free" Weight

45 minutes of cardio.

I may do strength training later, but it will be OK if I do not. Two weeks ago I just about died after 10 minutes, this time I only stopped because Stefan woke up from his nap, was crying and I had to go get him.

By the way, he is the sweetest weight for training I hold him and do plie squats using him as my poundage, and I get to kiss a soft, warm head while I work out. Nothing can be better.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Hot Bod, Here I come!

I finally decided to do something about the bulk I have put on over the years, so here I am . Decided to document my workouts here, so I can have accountability. IF I have a spot to report my workouts after I do them, it will be a better reward than chocolate.
OK, so, maybe not. But at least it is less fattening.

It has been exactly two weeks since I started working out, after a hiatus since August of 2002.
I haven't felt the need to take a day off. I have been sleeping better, and it has become much easier to pick up my kids, especially when I have to hold Boomer in one arm.


Today I did 25 minutes of cardio and worked my arms and butt with weights. Total of 45 minutes.

I feel good.

My lower back is still stiff, I hope it will loosen up as I move my body more.