One step forward, one back. Ugh.

I finally dragged out the Tanita today.

Here are my new stats, with the old ones in parentheses:

Rose's Stats:

142.2 pounds (143.6)
32.9% body fat (33.2)
Visceral fat, 6 (6) LOW RISK: 1-12 HIGH RISK: 13-59
90.8 pounds of muscle (91) Uh-oh
4.8 pounds of bone (4.8)
Physique rating: 5 (6) Double uh-oh
Calories needed to maintain current weight: 2387 (2387) Huh?
Metabolic age rating: 42 (43)

Well, at least I got a year back. Sigh.

I hate scales. This one is no exception.

5 Reasons Why I am Still Nursing

Well, technically, still pumping.

1) It burns extra calories -- 200 to 500 a day, to be exact.

2) I like that Stefan is still getting antibodies and lots of other amazing and nutritious components of breast milk.
Gamma-interferon, anyone?

3) I am getting an enormous satisfaction knowing that my body is still providing for his needs

4) He is my last baby-- I'll never nurse again

5) I am afraid that, when the milk is gone, my boobs will look like two pathetic flapjacks.


Exercise, today, was a lot of running after Boomer with Stefan under my arm, plus lifting and lowering Boomer until I couldn't do it anymore :)

"Mama kicked her butt!"

As repeated by Boomer, after my husband commented when he saw me emerging from the basement after an hour of hell.

I worked so hard that I literally saw stars. My husband visited, watched me bench press, and said I looked like the Arnold poster.

I told him it was easy to push so hard, when your son had just scribbled with ballpoint pen all over the ottoman of your Avantglide leather rocker glider. I adoringly ordered that chair when I was pregnant in 2002, to breastfeed my firstborn. It has enormous sentimental value.

The scribbling came off with Goof Off, but so did some of the leather stain :/

Better to take it out on the weights than on my Boomer.

Maybe I overdid the weights, because I seriously feel like throwing up.

Maybe there are Negative Calorie Foods

More reason to eat your fruits and veggies: the negative calorie theory.

"Scientific research" has found over 100 foods that supposedly require the body to burn more calories processing them through the digestive system than the actual caloric content of the foods themselves.


Some supposed negative calorie foods:

* Asparagus, beets, broccoli
* Cabbage, carrots, cauliflower
* Celery, chicory, chili peppers
* Cucumber, dandelion, endive
* Watercress, garlic, green beans
* Lettuce, radishes, spinach
* Turnip, tomato, zucchini

* Apple, blueberry, cantaloupe
* Cranberry, grapefruit
* Honeydew melon
* Lemon, orange, peach
* Pineapple, raspberry
* Strawberry, watermelon



As usual, someone is packaging this info as a "diet", calling it the Negative Calorie Diet. Perhaps this will replace Atkins as the latest quick fix.

All I can say, is, your mama told you to eat your fruits and veggies, and here is more reason to do so. You don't need a book to tell you that.

OK, this, you've gotta see

Neuticles.

The ultimate proof that some people are reeealllly out there...

Ready or not...

I am still too chicken to get on the Tanita.

I've been eating well, but haven't exercised in a couple of days. The boys have had colds, and I really hope I will be spared, because when I get sick, it drags for weeks. This morning I was incredibly tired, and was grateful for the extra couple hours of sleep I was able to get.

The house is almost ready. Most of the cabinets are in, the granite countertops are on, many of the lighting fixtures have been installed, and the in-floor heat is operational, as of this evening.

My husband wants us to move in two weeks.
I haven't yet packed a single thing. I don't even know where to start.

Help.

Hello, Elie Tahari

I love Marshall's.
When I was a college student with 20 bucks to her name, I wrote my first check to Marshall's, from my new bank account, for a pillow, a towel, and a pair of sneakers. Which, of course, wiped out my entire bank account :)

I still shop there today, because I love a good bargain, and I love getting maximum value for our hard-earned cash. To me, money represents sacrifice and work, and I will be damned if I will show lack of respect by spending it carelessly. Besides, there is a thrill-of-the-hunt quality to Marshall's shopping that feeds the inner beast in me.

Today I took a rare day out by myself, because Stefan and Boomer really needed pants and there is no way I can concentrate if I have the little ones with me. I've been to the store 3 times this month, but never alone, and never successful. I hit pay dirt this time: several Polo pants for both boys (they run small in the waist, so they're exactly what I was hoping to find) one Eddie Bauer outfit for Stefan, a Puma sweat jacket with hood for Boomer, and two adorable white, snap-crotch long sleeved shirts, with fire engines, for Stefan.
Because I only have one pair of jeans that fits, I ventured over to the Petites section, hoping to find a second pair like the one I was wearing. As usual, I grabbed several pairs that looked good, for trying on at home (I hate fitting rooms; whoever designed the garish, flaw-revealing lighting in them should be clubbed with the clue-by-four) but one, in particular, caught my eye. The material felt fluid and smooth, the color was a gorgeous dark indigo, and the tailoring looked nicer than what I usually wear... so I glanced at the price tag.
40 dollars.
At Marshall's. I looked at the price on the original tag and did a double-take. $188.
Holy mackerel! (That expression never fails to make me smile :)
$188 for jeans?
I put them back, but at the last minute, I tossed them in my cart. What the hell. They are a size 8, and they probably won't fit anyway. I'll just take them home for fun, and return them.
Tonight, after both boys went to bed, I tried on four pairs of jeans. None fit right, one was very stiff. Last of all, I tried the fifth, twice-the-price pair.
The label said TAHARI.
I shrugged. Meant nothing to me.
As soon as I put one foot into the leg, I knew I was trying on something very special. Ohhhh... never in my life have I felt denim that actually caresses the skin. These things just slid right on, molded themselves to me, and buttoned closed as if they had been custom-tailored to fit my body.
I ran to the mirror, turned, and smiled like the Cheshire Cat. Hellooooo, Ta-ha-ree!

After checking the net, I now know that Elie Tahari is one of "the best names in fashion" and carried at Nordstrom and Needless Markup.

And look at what Nordstrom says about fit:

"We recommend you order Elie Tahari styles according to our
general size chart. However, because styles run small, order
one size up if you are between sizes."

These things are not going back. Nuh-uh. On my running smaller than 8 butt they are staying.



PS-- I did Core Secrets tonight. Here is Boomer imitating me, with his exercise ball, LOL.

See Rose Run

Exercise today was 15 minutes of running after Boomer, in circles around the deck, holding Stefan. It was fun. I would have liked to do more, but that was all I could fit in.
Between running around for the house (today I had to go purchase outdoor motion sensor lighting) and my mama duties, plus the magazine editor gig, I am swamped. I literally run around the kitchen, fixing meals, so I can get back to other work.

I have so little time that I purchased 3 bras online, because I went to Victoria's Secret last week and there was a long line. Bah. Forget it! Out I walked. I ordered an Ipex bra (awesome, zero show of nipple, but their price is shameless!) and an exercise bra. And, I got free shipping. Woohoo! Can't beat it being brought to your door, free of charge.

We went to Cleveland on Sunday and I have not recovered yet. These day trips are very tiring, especially since kids do not understand that they have to sit in the car seat-- and they cry. Their crying does something to me, physically. Triggers fight-or-flight like you wouldn't believe. Stefan had his moments, and so did Boomer. Thank goodness they weren't long-lasting.

Today I said I'd go to bed early, yet here I am, at 11:30, after 2 hours of unsuccessful surfing for bedroom furniture. What I am finding is either too Spartan or too ornate. What I would like is something in between.

I'm hungry. Didn't eat much today. Tomorrow I will do better. Eat more, exercise with weights. And see my friend Tanita.

Furniture and Food

I have been happily shopping for shoes on Zappo's. Namely, winter boots, in anticipation of playing outside in the cooler weather. No pregnancy this year, no recovery form a nasty C-section, no sluggishness because of too much extra bulk.

I am so stoked.

Bring on the snowflakes. I will actually be able to zip up my good ol' LL Bean parka, size small. For a couple of years, I have been feeling like a bratwurst in that thing (it's red) and last year, forget it, I just went around with it unzipped.
I am also stoked because it juuuust looks as if my belly will cooperate and return to not-so-bad-looking, without a tummy tuck. I was genetically blessed and I have zero stretch marks. My pooch, however... well, we'll see.

If I get the guts (no pun intended) in a couple of months, I just may post bikini pics.
I have not worn a bikini since...let me think... 1996.

Today we drove an hour to go furniture shopping, then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant where we used to eat all the time, but stopped going because it was too much to haul little kids all the way to the neighboring state. The food was great, the service was fabulous, because they were very happy to see the crazy people who order for 12 and only have a party of 4. The manager was very proud to recommend some selections from his new Hong Kong chef. I fell in love with Chinese squash with Shiitake mushrooms. We also had salt and pepper pork chops, steamed fish, snow pea sprouts with dried scallop sauce, pork chow fun, spicy cucumber, free range chicken with ginger sauce, silky tofu with shrimp, and a few others.
OMG, it was sooo good! And we have plenty of leftovers for several meals.
My parents went with us, and we actually had a good time. They helped watch Boomer while my husband and I picked a new sectional for our family room.

This thing is THE bomb-- even has a cuddle nest where I intend to read to my boys. We ordered it in a cognac color with natural cherry wood. All the seats recline. The minute you sit on it, your eyes roll and you go, "Unnhhhhh...."
It will probably take 4 months, but well worth the wait.
This pic does not do it justice.



















Oh, and I am considering ordering the cuddle nest, by itself, for the bedroom.


Boom helped me test it out in the store. It was a perfect fit :)








Now, to actually have a move-in date. The house is a disaster. There is still a lot of work to be done. We have 6 house guests coming at Thanksgiving, and I really hope to be somewhat settled in by then.
If not, well, all good things come to those who wait.

Sneaking it in

I am beginning to sneak in exercise wherever and whenever I can.

In my car, I have a ball that I can use to do thigh and arm isometrics if I am stuck in traffic. Just put it between the knees or palms, and squeeze.

Also, while brushing teeth, I've found that I can get in a nice mini thigh workout by balancing on one foot and tracing the alphabet with the other. Point the toes, and make the letters as large as you can. By "Z" you will be hurting, and the boring time you usually spend just standing there, brushing your teeth, will be put to good use.

While washing dishes, you can get in a great butt workout. Squeeze, hooooooollld, release, repeat.

Also, for abs, you can lean over the sink and pull in your gut as hard as you can, contract, hold as long as you can, release, repeat. You can do this in the shower, or leaning over your desk while you are on the computer reading posts.

There is always, always time for abs. Ya hear that, Nance? :) You really need an exercise ball, girlfriend.

Oh, those poor parents.

The parents of Katie Holmes, that is.
Man, this has to be tough on them.

Core and Sleep Secrets

This evening, after a dinner of a mango smoothie, I did Core Secrets ab Assault, a program developed by Gunnar Peterson.
I didn't think it was very hard, and it sure was short (was tempted to do it twice) but it was a lot of fun, especially since I was able to do it upstairs in the family room, with Stefan crawling around me as my personal trainer.

What a treasure he is turning out to be.

This evening I took him to bed at 9 (Boomer passed out at 8 -- no nap again) and put him in his crib awake, gave him his silky and his stuffed hippo, kissed him goodnight, and he didn't even cry, just rolled over and began moaning himself to sleep. I did a much more effective job sleep training Stefan, because I taught him to nap in his crib, and didn't wait until he was asleep to put him in there. I didn't feed him a bottle to sleep. I didn't night feed him untill 10 1/2 months. I didn't drive him around or put him in his car seat to nap. I didn't hold him, while he napped, for 2 hours, twice a day, at around 10 months. I did not make a special nap place on the floor for him, consisting of an egg-crate foam mattress pad inside a duvet cover.

Yes, I did all these things with Boomer. First Time Mama Syndrome.

With Stefan, I simply quit feeding him at night when he turned 9 months. He cried the first two nights for about 20 minutes, and that was it. For naps, just watched for him to rub his eyes, and in the crib he went. He'd yell for 5 minutes, then he was out. The secret was, I didn't listen to the yelling. I turned off the monitor, and flipped it on, to check, every few minutes. 99% of the time, after 5 minutes, I heard silence. Of course, then I'd have to go and check if he was OK, and he was.
Now, he knows what to do when he goes in there, and does it, the sweet little soul. Crib equals great place to get some good z's.

I have to add, though, that their personalities are markedly different. I have no idea if all of the above would have worked with Boomer. And since I will never know, I will not beat myself up, or think I screwed up. Instead, I will enjoy what is right now.

It is pure heaven to get to actually sleep again, and not be awakened by Boomer, screaming, at 4 or 5 AM. He is sleeping until 7:30 (!) Stefan gets up at 6:30, but never screams or cries when he awakens, so I don't bolt upright in bed, heart pounding with the horrible rush of adrenaline I used to get every single morning, courtesy of my firstborn son, who, thank God, is now calling me happily instead of using a meltdown to bring me to his room.

Stefan is almost over his reflux, does not need for his breast milk to be mixed with rice and powdered formula (drinks it straight! Woohoo!) and does not cry in the evenings anymore, on the contrary, he's very joyful. He looks me in the eye with a very flirty smile and declares, "Buh!"
I keep thanking him for showing up. I can't imagine having only Boomer, and Boomer is much better off, because his brother always puts him in a good mood. They have these hugfests and laugh marathons that make my heart just sing. Stefan tries to give Boom kisses. They are going to be very close, I can see it already.

Life is very, very good right now, and I feel rested.
I also feel lighter, and feel that I am taking up less space. It's hard to describe; I don't feel more energy, but I am less tired and can move around with greater ease.

Even my lower back doesn't hurt as much.

Finally.

I have a job

It doesn't pay, but it sure is a lot of work. Our latest business venture is a travel magazine in Europe, and I get to be the editor. This means I have 2 days to fix 10 articles, written by people who don't know the nuances of the English language. Sentences such as, "To start with, we have a wine house in the basement, where we intend to highlight our restaurant’s treats."
Grooooooan!
I'd really much rather post on forums, thank you very much. But I do benefit indirectly, even though I get zero cash, and I am the best person we have for this job, so I guess I'm it.

Wonderful day today. It finally stopped raining, and Boomer had a blast on his tricycle. We have had it for many months, but when we offered it the first time, all he wanted to do was to push it, and would not sit on it no matter what we tried, including me sitting on it myself and pedaling a few feet (yes, someone did take pics of this craziness -- the things we will do for our kids!) He got angry and frustrated because the thing wouldn't go straight, and after one too many fits, we decided to hide it until he was ready.
He's ready :)
He was out in the driveway for three hours today, enjoying the cooler weather, and I was in my office, listening to his excitement and laughter as I worked on my editing. Stefan watched from his stroller, and later in the day, seemed more determined than ever to walk. I held his baby hands as he put one tiny bare foot in front of the other and I tried to capture the moment in my mind's eye: his feet, his smile, his eyes, full of delight.
This little one seizes life as he does his food, with gusto. It is wonderful to watch. I am so grateful that he showed up, against all odds. I call him my "last eggie," LOL. I am not surprised that it was Stefan who got to it first, out of millions. He throws himself into everything with complete abandon, and a fearlessness that surpasses even Boomer's.
Anyway...exercise. This, too, involves the kids today. I began my workout at 6PM, chasing Boomer around and around the dining room table, with Stefan under my arm. They love this game, and Stefan's laughter is so contagious and wonderful that it is worth hauling him around like a football, all 18 pounds of him, as I run after Boomer yelling, "GO, Stefan, GO Stefan, GO!"
I did this until I was winded, and my husband took over. Minutes later, someone came to the door with (what else?) a business issue, and I took the boys to the basement so my husband could conduct his talk in peace.
Stefan went (thank goodness he still accepts to go) in the exersaucer, and Boomer immediately began running in circles as soon as he heard Jeff Beck. I did a mix of Stairmaster and killer weights, and after he hauled out the mini-tramp and jumped on that for a while, Boomer took his little dumbbells and did military presses. I thought I'd burst with pride, joy, and love.
It wasn't a long workout for me, but it was intense, and I am determined to stop feeling as if I have failed, if I do under an hour. Anything at all should be considered a victory, with everything I have going on. Have I mentioned that AF arrived today?
It's almost 10:30, and I still need to pump before I get to go to bed. Some thoughts on pumping tomorrow. I have been up since 4:30AM, and I really need to get some sleep.
Tired, but feeling good.
When AF goes away, I may just get up the courage to step on my Tanita.

More Preschool Disappointment

I..am...wiped.
I have been up and running since 5AM, and both boys went to sleep at 9PM tonight, for some reason. I really hope Stefan sleeps in tomorrow; I was so fried that I couldn't even think about exercise.
Exercise, today, was spotting my little one, who is determined as hell to walk, no matter what it takes, how many bumps he gets, or whom he scalps. He pulled out so much of my hair today that I am considering wearing a Speedo bathing cap when I am around this child. By the time he gets profficient, I could very well end up bald. :/
I am too tired to write, in detail, about the disappointment in the preschool we saw today. Think green, snotty noses, cramped, *hot,* rooms, kids who looked bored. The owner, who seemed so arrogant on the phone and had told me that she needs to interview me, was not even there. Apparently, our appointment was so important that she decided to leave on an errand.
I had such high expectations. I could not run home fast enough.

The hardest part of working out is getting yourself to start something.

As soon as you start, you are so darned proud of yourself for actually doing it, that you continue, especially if the person looking back at you in the mirror, as you exercise, looks better than before.

Jeff Beck helped me get back in the groove today. As soon as I hit "play" on my old, but fantastic, Panasonic boombox, and his guitar's pulsing twangs filled the room, I felt strong and enthusiastic.
After a warmup of dancing around, I jumped on the Stairmaster and spent 25 intense minutes in "max fat burn" mode, at level 7. The beginning felt exhilarating, but the last 5 minutes were a struggle, because Beck makes you do a killer workout, if you keep up with his beat. I kept looking over my shoulder to see how much time I had left until the flashing red "GOAL ATTAINED."

With 10 minutes to go, Boomer walked in, with his adoring smile and sweet little voice, delighted to have found me. He proceeded to run in circles, saying he liked the music. So after I got off the Stairmaster, with my incentive right there, in front of me, I lifted some serious weights. My little sweetie came up and gave me a high five after a set I almost couldn't finish. Then, he started running around again, sing-songing "Mama uh-size, go Mama!"

I swear, I think he missed our workouts.

Tomorrow at 10:30 I am taking him to another preschool. This one is in a private home, much smaller, and the owner is a Turkish lady raised in London. I am very excited, hopeful, and at the same time, I have to admit I've been crying tonight. Boomer may be ready, but Mama is not.

I really, really am feeling for my mother-in-law. I "stole" her son when he was only 17. I now understand why the poor woman was so devastated. That had to be absolutely brutal.

Nothing, and nothing

Ugh.

I took a whole week off.

Despite my best intentions to break the lazy spell and exercise today, I didn't get to doing it. A couple came by to see the house, and I ran around making it look presentable, intending to work out while everyone else had lunch.

I was on my way downstairs when Granite Guy rings the doorbell. We had to go over there to decide on what to do with the kitchen island, because there was no slab large enough to accomodate the design, and something had to be improvised. Boom and my husband quit their lunch, and I went next door with them, in exercise gear. Does the fact that I went up and down the stairs 5 times (following Boomer) count? Guess not, huh?

We then walked halfway around our very long street to deliver a neighbor's medication (!) which the post man had absentmindedly placed in our mailbox. Made me wonder what mail of mine the neighbors had received and thrown out.

On the walk back home, a car passed us, and we realized it was the potential renters. Sure enough, when we entered our driveway, there they were, surveying my yard. We gave them the tour, and they turned out to be very nice, and we had a lot in common, from provenance (same part of the world) to cars (same as what I drive) to political views (saw the sticker on their car, LOL) to hobbies (they saw my husband's magazines and my Barbies.) It was a bit Twighlight Zoneish. She is expecting twins in March.

Anyway... after they left, I had to pump, then it was 4 pm already, and we had to go see my parents. I was angry with myself because, yet again, I had not worked out.

We had a good visit and returned at 7, with dinner, but Boomer had fallen asleep in the car, so we put him to bed. I am guessing tomorrow will be an early wakeup at Rose's house.

Tomorrow I am jumping back into it with both feet. This is how I usually backslide, but this time, I am not going to let that happen.

Dammit.

Preschool

No exercise today, unless you count my playground activities.

I have been looking for a preschool for Boomer. At the company picnic, I realized he really needs, and would love, to play with kids his age. Today I went and saw two, thought I might like one, and at the director's suggestion, brought him back there at 3PM for a visit.
The kids were adorable, my son behaved admirably and enjoyed himself immensely, but there were, unfortunately, several problems I noticed, and they can't be ignored.

Huge metal pipe along one of the fences, huge hole in the chain-link, where kids were sticking their heads, playground equipment not secured, rubber liner coming up, (very easy to trip and fall) through lots of gravel, which kids were throwing, and worst of all, not enough caretakers, 'cause I had to step in and move some kids out of harms' way, not once but several times. The caretakers were not teachers, and they kinda stood there, not really watching the kids, not really engaging them.

The kids kept coming to me for lots of things: to tell me they had to go potty, to yell, "Watch this!" to give me rocks, to help them get rocks out of their shoes, to get hugs, to show me the flowers and trucks on their shirts, to growl like a monster... It seemed, to me, that the kids were lacking attention. There were so many wonderful, adorable 3-year-olds that I wanted to take home with me. One little black girl, Leeah, with a gorgeous head of cornrows and a smile like sunshine, kept coming over to give me hugs, calling me Mommy. I got down to her level and she sat on my knee. A little boy named Thomas, with bright blue eyes and blond hair, came over to Boomer the first instant and kept interacting with him. What a sweetheart that child was.
A little girl with long, long brown hair, bright brown eyes, kept wanting to talk to me and tell me things. One very intelligent little boy told me the cameras made him nervous, and asked me why they were there.
I wished I could get their family names and numbers, so we could make a playdate.

Boomer bounded all over the place, going from one slide to the other, asking kids to please get out of the way (not sliding on top of others, as I saw many do, with the caretakers doing nothing about that) laughing and showing everybody whenever an airplane flew overhead.

Unfortunately, I was very worried about all the above issues.
In addition, an overdressed, overcoiffed, and over-jewelry-bedecked (at a kids' center?) woman came over, testily asking if she can help me. "What are you doing here? Do you have a child here? Which one is your child?"
I pointed him out, she looked at Boomer, and said, "Oh, my God."
WTF?
She then went on, rudely, to tell me that I can't be there and asked how much longer I intended to stay.
I told her I had arranged for a visit, and that I was told I could bring my son that afternoon.
She answered just as rudely, then walked away, and I had to ask one of the caretakers who the hell was this nasty woman.
Turned out it was the assistant director.
I couldn't believe this.
This was how she treated a potential customer?
I decided it was time to go.
Boomer, unfortunately, was of another opinion. The poor little guy did not want to leave, started following me, crying, because I began to walk away when he would not go with me, then refused to get in his car seat, and all the way home begged me to turn around and cried the kind of gasping, desperate crying that shreds a mother's heart.
I can't find the words to describe my disappointment.
Tomorrow I have two more places I want to check, because his reaction really proved that he should be in preschool.
Oh, and I got the hot sauce package today. More on that tomorrow.
All I have time to say right now is, if you want to breathe fire like a dragon, just have some Dave's Insanity sauce.

Fantasy Workout

Today, exercise was a few hours walking around New York City. My husband had a meeting there, and I could not resist tagging along, which I had not done in, oh, over 3 years.

I had lunch at Trump Tower, and went to the jewelry district to pick up my husband's original wedding band, which a jeweler had resized, along with the amethyst ring I got when Stefan was born, which also had to be resized -- smaller.

A little shopping --Nars blush at Sephora, in Orgasm (!) color, a lot of walking, a lot of battery recharging.

What a blast.

I wish I could live in the Big Apple. I absolutely love New York.

Whe the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Order Hot Sauce

Today, my fingers got the exercise. I just didn't feel well. Neither did my boys, who were somewhat crabby.

After trying my darnedest to be pleasant while teaching Boomer to let his brother play with toys, any toys, having to withstand a meltdown caused by my taking away a set of blocks that Boom refused to share, after being pulled on by Stefan, who is determined to stand at all costs (including the pulling out of my hair, which he uses as a hoist rope) being vomited on twice, and changing the largest poop the little guy ever made (Mongolian Beef with Chow Foon Noodles poop-- clothespin-on-the-nose poop, people!) I decided I earned a break on my bed with my laptop.

Because my nanny is Mexican, and can't eat without something spicy, she has a bottle of hot sauce, permanently, in my house, which I found today in the basement, by the wipes warmer. I have no idea what it was doing there (probably being consumed with the chips, which she has to hide from Boomer--and me, LOL) but it made me smile.

I love, love, love heat in my food, the hotter, the better. One time I went overboard and ate 6 jalapenos with my fajitas, causing poor Stefan to have a really rough next day. Never did that again, but I still enjoy an occasional hot chile here and there.

Maria's bottle made me wonder what's available online, and I proceeded to have an absolute blast surfing for hot sauce. I ended up ordering several bottles from Firegirl.com.
With names such as Blair's Sudden Death Hot Sauce (with skull,) Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally... Slap Heard Around the World Hot sauce, and Ass in Hell Hot sauce, you can't go wrong. They also had reviews of the sauces, some of which were hysterical.

For the record, I didn't get any of the above, I did get El Yucateco for Maria, Religious Experience Original, Orange Krush Habanero, and a couple of others, most with no vinegar.

Can't wait to get my package in a couple of days. It's going to be one helluva picante taste test at Casa Rose's!

I've Gotta Relax

The hardest thing for me is to give myself a break. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to being critical and intransigent.

Ever since I had children, I have had to modify my behavior and attitude in so many different ways. I realize they look to me for behavior to mirror, and I want happy, calm, confident, respectful kids. I have to be what I want them to be, because I am the one they copy.

I fight with my own rigidity on a daily basis. The other day, I felt triumphant because I took the kids to a Mexican place and I actually allowed Boomer to have chips *gasp* before his meal. I need to relax, not only emotionally, but physically, as well, because people who don't relax are people who never have fun, are always drained, and are no fun to live with.

I also have a problem with perfectionism. If I can't do something perfectly, then I put it off, or don't do it at all. This is something I recognize in myself that has got to change. Especially since I tend to do it with exercise, too. If I don't do a tough workout, I tend to feel as if I've failed. If I take a day off, I may take 3, then 5, then I get discouraged and eat more, and more poorly, because, hey, if I haven't worked out, I may as well go all the way and be "bad," and eat that 2,000 calorie hot fudge sundae, since my program is shot anyway.

Not good, and it doesn't make sense. Plus, it overrides all the hard work I've put in so far.

Yesterday I had to take a day off, and I had a lot of trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that I needed rest, my ankle needed a break, and that resting is part of the fitness process, because muscles get stronger when you are not working out. I managed to get through the day without beating myself up, and I ate with respect for my body in mind.

Today, instead of working out at 4, I fell asleep. Stefan was napping, Boomer was drinking his afternoon milk and watching Scooby Doo in my bed, and despite my best intentions to rest a while and then work out, I dozed off beside him. Quiet, snuggly toddlers are the best to cuddle with, and when they are peaceful, my children are extremely soothing to me. I allowed myself to relax, and my body decided it was time to shut down.

I forgot to say that my husband has a bad cold, and I have been feeling it trying to get me for days, but my body is fighting it off. I woke up very sweaty this morning. This afternoon I had a low-grade headache. I had several reasons why it should have been perfectly OK to rest without guilt, but I am still not there yet.

The other day, to celebrate 2 months, I fed my exercise video addiction and I ordered some advanced workouts from the good folks at Collage Video. What I love about this company is that they try all the workouts themselves, they don't carry fluff, they have reviews and detailed descriptions of what you get, and you can get entire sets, such as something you see in an infommercial, all at one time instead of signing up for a video every couple of weeks.

The package came in the afternoon, so I gleefully dug into it and chose Romana's Pilates: Powerhouse Mat, led by an 80-year-old woman who learned Pilates in the 1930s from Joseph himself.

Holy crap.

You know how you get somewhere and feel good about where you are, then something comes along and makes you realize you're not even halfway there?
This is serious stuff. Windsor Pilates is a bunch o'jumpin'fools, compared to this. The fact that my husband came home in the middle of me struggling to do a frikkin' situp, and came over to hold my ankles so I could actually make it, was humbling.

OK, so Boomer was in the way, too, with his legs over his head, LOL. I'd rather he copy me trying to be limber than me sitting in front of the Boob Tube stuffin' cookies.

Screech, halt.

The ankle I sprained in 1999, falling over a Rubbermaid kitchen garbage can top, of all things, has flared up big-time.

I found a good ankle brace, but the company requires a prescription for them to allow you to order one.

Lovely.

GO, MAMA!

I am feeling very good this evening.

Today I did over an hour. I started with 25 minutes of backwards on the Stairmaster. OK, here's why backwards: you get a really good butt and hamstring workout, and your knees are far less stressed. I also have strong quadriceps, and I don't want biggie legs, so I don't want to work my quads too much. The butt, however, is another story.

I want my butt back. This flat, square thing has got to go!

I followed with biceps curls using 18 pounds. I did some delts, and triceps, too. I finished with bench presses with 70. Boomer was watching me, running around in circles, jumping on the mini-tramp, then running some more, yelling, "GO, MAMA!" and "UP! UP!" as I hoisted the barbell. I am so glad he is seeing me do this, and so pleased that he, too, is exercising. I worry that he spends way too much time watching Thomas the Tank Engine and Tom and Jerry.

When I was done lifting, I asked for a kiss and instead, he gave me a high five. LOL! Oh, and while I was on the Stairmaster, he brought me my weight lifting gloves. "Here, Mama, bluvvs!" What a sweetheart.

By the end, I was sweaty, gross, and very happy. Two months ago, I watched the time on the Stairmaster, gasping for breath, and 7 minutes felt like forever. Today, I wanted to do more after 25 (at level 7!) but it was already 2PM, and we had planned to have a picnic.

We did. The picnic was great. Stefan discovered the joys of pulling grass, and Boomer had fun watching a group of wild ducks. We ate Lebanese takeout, and had dark chocolate for dessert.

I had a Margarita this evening, 'cause I earned it.

Tomorrow, I will work the hell out of my abs.

The Power Inside

I am constantly amazed at the capacity of human beings to overcome obstacles, adversity and tragedy.

Last night's 20/20 was entitled The Power Inside. What a wonderful title. We all have that power inside. Most of us need to be reminded to tap into it.

When I see people like Kyle Maynard, I am truly inspired. Here is a man who makes no excuses. Here is a man who is a star athlete, despite the fact that he would have had the biggest excuse of all: he has no arms and no legs.